November
*Nov 2nd, By the time this posts he will already be gone and we will have officially started the Big D; our first deployment. Right now its November, 2nd to be exact and the word deployment is still leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I think it should considering I have only had 24 hours to really let it sink in that he is going to be gone for a year. When he comes home I will soon turn 27, Kiale will be 8 and a half, Colin will be soon to turn 7, and our precious Cayleigh-Grace will be 3 and a half years old. We will have spent our entire 10th year together and 70% of our 8th year of marriage apart. Welcome to the Army folks! Right now I am handling the news better then I imagined I would. Probably because I knew what was coming and I had prepared myself to say goodbye to him before Christmas even got here, so January feels like a blessing to me right now. With two months to go before this giant year long roller coaster begins I am feeling confident, proud, and scared out of my wits. Confident, because I know that he will do great over there and because I know I can handle things back home. Proud, because of what my husband is doing; helping to protect our family, friends, and our country's way of life. Scared... yea that is an understatement, what if someone breaks a bone on my watch or what if the unthinkable happens... or what if we drift apart instead of becoming closer through the distance and time. All of the what ifs are a waste of time even thinking about at this point. I am confident that we will become closer and that everyone will be okay once this year comes to a close, even if someone breaks something along the way. If you wouldn't mind keeping the 5 of us in your prayers, and hopefully this year will pass quickly and uneventfully.
*Nov 5th, I just woke up. KS is at PT and all I can think about is him being gone for a year. KS is fixing to hit his 1 year anniversary with the Army in just a couple of weeks and I was laying in bed thinking about all that has happened within this past year.... it just makes being able to wrap my head around him missing from our lives for that same amount of time unfathomable. I just cant wrap my head around it... We still haven't told the kids yet, I don't think either of us are ready for it to be quite that final.
*Nov 12th, We told the kids and KS's Mom last night. She took the news better then I had expected, but we both think she lost it on the way home. The kids just don't get it, they have no idea whats coming. I think it has been too long since KS was away at BCT and they don't remember what it was like to be away from him with no contact for so long. I was really hoping to be able to prepare them for this but its obvious now that they are still too young and cannot grasp the concept of a year away from their Daddy.
*Nov 14th, I asked Kiale why he wasn't upset that KS was leaving for so long. He said "Its so far away I'm not going to worry about it right now. I will be sad when it gets closer and when he is gone." That is so my son, glad to know at least one of the kids has adopted my way of thinking.
*Nov 27th, lost it at the hunting club tonight. Our buddy Scott was ragging on me for pouting, I just couldn't help it. It is so hard not telling any of our family and friends what is going on. No one except for our parents, and our sisters know about this deployment... I have a feeling it is going to hit the rest of my family like a ton of bricks when they find out, and I know for sure certain people are going to be livid with us for not telling them but we had no real choice. So, if this is how you are finding out sorry.
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