January
*Time A- Well we told the last of our family today, well the family we are telling at least. Hopefully everyone will keep their mouths shut and not spread the news around until after he is out of the country. Everyone took the news well and I swear some people could care less, although I think they never really cared about KS anyway. Not that it matters its just more annoying to me then anything else.
*Time B- KS is on night shift and I found myself just staring at his picture on my computer. It is going to be so hard not seeing his face around here anymore. Sure we will have pictures, but that is nothing compared to the living breathing version that I love so much. I am going to be bored out of my mind with no one to pick on me and drive me crazy. I know I have the kids, but that just isn't the same. I cant play fight and wrestle with them the way KS and I do on a regular basis, who am I gone to spar with? Its going to be a long hard year without my husband and love here.
*Time C- Went to bed before KS last night, which is nothing new. I swear the man must be part owl, but as I laid down without him an overwhelming feeling of loneliness swept over me. It was a feeling I have never experienced to that depth before, but I guess it is one that I will grow accustomed to feeling very soon. Every time I think about how close we are to his departure date I feel like I just got the wind knocked out of me. Literally my stomach lurches and I loose my breath for a couple of seconds, not to mention the tears that I fight back if I let the thought linger in my head for more then 30 seconds.
*Time D- Well it finally hit Colin last night. KS was repacking all of the bags that have been taking up my dinning room for the past month and Colin asked him where he was going. We explained where and when again and Colin just ran up the stairs crying. I guess it finally hit him when we said KS was leaving in a week for a year.
*Time E- It is so close now, and I feel like the walls are literally closing in on me. I haven't had a total breakdown yet, but it is coming. It is getting harder and harder to fight them off and my stomach feels like it has found a new permanent home in my throat. I don't want him to see me cry, and I don't want him to see the hole that is forming within me, but it is going to happen. Hopefully I can make it through these next couple of days and I can let the emotions of the past three months take over and I can loose it alone. Without him going through the pain of seeing me in the condition I know I will be in.
*Time F- Totally lost it this morning, you know the cry. The ugly one where you are hyperventilating and shaking so bad you can barely stand. Yea, that was me first thing this morning. Mornings are the hardest for me now that we are so close. By 11 o'clock I was fine, but before that I was a mess... in fact I don't think mess accurately describes it. Just a little over 48 hours now. God give us the strength to get through these next couple of days. I will need it and so will the kids. There is no amount of preparing that we can do to really get prepared for this. It is what it is, and it is hard.
*Time G- Less then 18 hours now... I am just ready to get the goodbyes over with and start marking the days off until I see him again. I think both of us are very much ready to begin this journey.
*Time C- Went to bed before KS last night, which is nothing new. I swear the man must be part owl, but as I laid down without him an overwhelming feeling of loneliness swept over me. It was a feeling I have never experienced to that depth before, but I guess it is one that I will grow accustomed to feeling very soon. Every time I think about how close we are to his departure date I feel like I just got the wind knocked out of me. Literally my stomach lurches and I loose my breath for a couple of seconds, not to mention the tears that I fight back if I let the thought linger in my head for more then 30 seconds.
*Time D- Well it finally hit Colin last night. KS was repacking all of the bags that have been taking up my dinning room for the past month and Colin asked him where he was going. We explained where and when again and Colin just ran up the stairs crying. I guess it finally hit him when we said KS was leaving in a week for a year.
*Time E- It is so close now, and I feel like the walls are literally closing in on me. I haven't had a total breakdown yet, but it is coming. It is getting harder and harder to fight them off and my stomach feels like it has found a new permanent home in my throat. I don't want him to see me cry, and I don't want him to see the hole that is forming within me, but it is going to happen. Hopefully I can make it through these next couple of days and I can let the emotions of the past three months take over and I can loose it alone. Without him going through the pain of seeing me in the condition I know I will be in.
*Time F- Totally lost it this morning, you know the cry. The ugly one where you are hyperventilating and shaking so bad you can barely stand. Yea, that was me first thing this morning. Mornings are the hardest for me now that we are so close. By 11 o'clock I was fine, but before that I was a mess... in fact I don't think mess accurately describes it. Just a little over 48 hours now. God give us the strength to get through these next couple of days. I will need it and so will the kids. There is no amount of preparing that we can do to really get prepared for this. It is what it is, and it is hard.
*Time G- Less then 18 hours now... I am just ready to get the goodbyes over with and start marking the days off until I see him again. I think both of us are very much ready to begin this journey.
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